Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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