She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
