if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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