We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
