i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
