so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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