look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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