I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
