Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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