You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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