Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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