And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
