omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
