I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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