she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
