I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
