you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
