idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
