We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize