I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
