The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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