Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Randomize
