i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
