btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
