Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize