it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
