I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
