the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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