i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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