i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
