I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
