Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's shark week go big or go home
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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