So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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