thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
