he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
