ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
