I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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