oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
