hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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