Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
