it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
