I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
do nipples grow back?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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