in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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