Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
