dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
