Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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