Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
did i just pee glitter
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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