woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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