Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
