I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize