You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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