hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
