OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
