is your mom at the bar?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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