The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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