party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
