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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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