I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
