jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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