i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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