You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize