Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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