nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
