What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
