i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
