so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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